The Saturn Intergalactic Film Festival

My friend Heat and I are inevitably going to be starting a film festival devoted to celebrating films which are so outlandish, and filmmakers whose collected works are so out of control, that just the simple act of viewing them would first require passing a NASA Class II space physical and a thousand hours of G-Force environment flight training just to keep your DNA from unraveling upon exposure. Films that once they are over will require you to wait in a specially-designed airlock to allow you to slowly decompress, lest your head cave in once you re-enter earth's atmosphere (i.e. leave the theatre too quickly or hit 'stop' on your remote control).

We call it the Saturn Intergalactic Film Festival. Saturn is probably the safest place to hold the festival, to spare the earth the brute force of the tsunamis and gale-force winds that would pummel the planet if y'all ain't, in fact, ready.

Here at the Telekino Times-Picayune we will be running occasional profiles of films and directors whose qualities have been deemed at once 'acceptable' (in terms of our programming mandate) and 'unacceptable' (in terms of the Geneva Conventions). Stay tuned for details in forthcoming SIFF features.