Spanning Time

So the United States rolled Daylight Saving Time three weeks ahead of schedule and extended it for one week into early November (you know - for the farmers! I mentioned this to a friend of mine today and they said "There aren't any farmers anymore!").

This is very good news for:

Big Oil (now people won't need to have their headlights on as much on their nightly commute, allowing them to spend the money they saved on more gas)

Big Retail (now people can go shopping after work because it's not dark yet)

Big Candy (now there is one more hour of daylight to maximize Halloween trick-or-treating).

But how else can America maximize the clock and the sun to supersize sales in the future? You can only move the little hand around on the clock so many times a year before you mess everything up for everyone.

1. Slowing Down the Rotation of the Earth. The 2004 earthquake in Indonesia that set off the tsunami actually affected the axis and speed of the Earth's rotation, decreasing the length of that day enough that they had to tack another second onto the atomic clock in 2005 to make up for it. If America could figure out how to make the planet slow down even if to buy us all another minute a year, this would provide the consumer almost immeasurable purchasing opportunities annually. I should think all they would have to do would be to set some nukes off towards the Earth's core.

2. Imposing Domestic Curfews. Now people will get home from work with the things they bought on their way home and amuse themselves into the night with them. This will create an unexpected draw on energy as people stay up late, keeping all their lights on. If the country were to impose a law wherein 9 to 5 types be at home by 11 (lights out at 1130) this would not only save energy, but it would also promote normal sleeping habits for the working population, increasing productivity. Productive workers would be happy workers, off shopping after work. In economics this is known as a delicious circle.

3. Study That Movie 'The Core'
Best part of the trailer:
General: "How do we fix it?"
Eckhart: "We can't."
Tucci: "What if we could?"
Now that is the can-do attitude that's going to pull us all out of this.

Megatron once tried to harness the energy of the Earth's core for evil purposes. America has an opportunity to carry on Megatron's work, with sexy results!